Rituals to be Followed before a Filipino Wedding

All Filipino weddings are long and eventful consisting of several interesting rituals. In current years some of these rituals are not being followed due to lack of time or simple forgetfulness. However, the most crucial and important customs as well as rituals are being religiously followed with same enthusiasm and dedication. The marriage is solemnized as per religious beliefs of the couple in love. Wedding preparation is carried out in different stages starting from the marriage proposal.

Pagtatapat or marriage proposal

Since marriages in Filipino custom are no longer arranged by parents, the first step to a wedding is marriage proposal. During this proposal ritual called Pagtatapat, the groom makes a formal request to a girl of his choice in the form of a statement instead of the traditional question. While European men propose to their girlfriends with a traditional question like "will you marry me", Filipino men are more confident of their mate's acceptance, so they usually make a declaration like "let’s get married".

SingSing or dating stage

During this stage the groom dates his fiance after proposing her. He gets formally introduced to her family and has to buy an expensive gift for the girl as ransom. Though there is a lot of haggling involved in deciding the ransom amount between family members, the couple does not take part in these proceedings. Nowadays the ransom consists of a gold engagement ring followed by other small gifts for the girl’s family. Sometimes the groom’s family may ask him to offer a family heirloom ring during the engagement symbolizing their acceptance to the union.

During finalization of the ransom, the most interesting part is the bargaining which happens between families of the bride and groom. The ransom amount is first announced by the girl’s father or mother and has to be agreed upon by the groom’s family as only then the couple is allowed to date each other. If both families agree to the amount, the ritual is completed with a friendly handshake and scrumptious dinner with members of both families sitting at the same table.

Pamanhikan stage

Elders of both families discuss matters related to wedding venue, menu, rituals, expected number of guests and every associated event. As a part of this discussion they also estimate expected expenditure of the series of events leading up to the wedding and decide the distribution of expenditure between each other Sometimes these discussions can get unpleasant if any of the relatives get drunk during the event as alcohol is often presented during these functions. This event is hosted by the bride’s family, and the groom’s family often brings a favorite dish of their family to the event.

Paninilbihan stage

Though in modern Philippine weddings this practice is discontinued, people in rural areas still follow it. This involves checking the groom’s financial background and his willingness to help the bride’s family. During this custom the groom stays with the girl’s family before the wedding and is scrutinized for belief in his family values and ability to take proper care of their daughter. The family members assign him small tasks around the house and send him out on errands to gauge his sincerity and dedication.

Pa-Alam or formal wedding announcement

Since the basic groundwork is done by this time, relatives of both sides are given a formal invitation to the wedding by a phone call followed by a wedding card. Even the most distant relative living in a remote village has to be informed of a wedding in advance as otherwise it is regarded as a social offense. Wedding cards to elderly relatives are generally sent with fruits or gifts. Usually the parents of groom and bride go to their respective relatives’ homes with invitation cards as well as gifts as a sign of respect along with either the bride or groom.

The function is also to informally introduce the soon to be son/daughter in law to the grandparents or elderly relatives who may not be able to come for the wedding. During this invitation process relatives ask them about the couple’s jobs, family background and other personal details. To make it easier for them to attend the wedding the couple’s parents also share details about wedding venue, expected guests, gifts likely to be exchanged between both families and so on.

Dulog stage

This is the first religious ritual related to the forthcoming wedding wherein a couple goes to the church and informs the local pastor about their intention to begin a new life as life partners. The priest then talks with both the bride and groom, about responsibilities of family life. He also explains to them their social responsibilities along with suggestions about likely changes which will come into their lives as a married couple. Besides these general topics he tries to understand from them their expectations from the marriage and their partner so they can start a family based on realistic expectations.

Despedida de Soltera stage

This function is similar in style and practice to stag and hen parties of Europe where both bride and groom party with their friends. The only difference here is that the Despedida de Soltera function is conducted by the bride’s family. In Filipino weddings, this function is conducted like a family get-together wherein members of both families to get to know each other in an informal atmosphere. This function helps to reduce the tension between both families if there has been a problem during the SingSing function. Based on the temperament of both families, the function can be an informal family dinner or a noisy party with music, food, drink and dancing.

Alay-Itlog kay Sta. Clara

When translated into English these words mean "rain go away" and during this ritual the couple with their families pray for a clear and cloudless sky on the wedding day. Since a shiny and clear day on a wedding is considered auspicious, most couples go to monks with gifts to join them in the prayers for a clear day. These gifts to monks consist of eggs which stand for "clear" in Filipino language and are a request to the god for keeping the sky clear.

Kasal Kumpisal

This is a form of purification ceremony performed a couple of days before the wedding in a Catholic church. As a part of the ritual, the priest gives them holy bread and wine to purify them of all sins so they go as cleansed souls to their wedding.

Other interesting post wedding rituals

1) During the after wedding party, parents of the couple tie a white ribbon around their shoulders, which symbolizes family strength and continuity for the newlyweds.
2) Newlywed couple and their relatives release white pigeons on stepping out the church after the wedding. This is done to ensure that all future problems and hardships of the couple also fly away like the pigeons.
3) Since a newlywed couple is discouraged from indulging in sex on the wedding night they can drink all night long to celebrate with friends and relatives.
4) In arranged marriages where the groom is allowed little communication with the bride before the wedding, he has to pay a ransom to her family to have a direct conversation with her.